No. 5 Cincinnati Reds

The Cincinnati Reds are a great baseball franchise, and the fans are very proud of their rich history. Unfortunately, the pride does not extend to the Great American Ball Park. The stadium ranks the fifth dirtiest out of thirty in the Urine Feces Everywhere (UFE) rankings. Gentlemen, you should be thanking the woman at the ball park because they averaged a perfect score for hand washing in the restroom. Had the woman been more like their male counterparts, with 54% of the men failing to wash their hands, then Cincinnati would have stolen the coveted last place honors. So thank your Cincinnati women for taking one for the team.

There must be a reason for the huge discrepancy between the sexes. Perhaps part is due to the fact that the men’s restrooms are dirty, poorly lit, congested, the floors are constantly wet, and there are longs lines at the sink. There are too few urinals and toilet which leads to urine laced toilet seats because the overflow of fans from the urinals spill into the stalls to use those commodes instead. Pardon the puns. It would be very sad for anyone that really needed to sit down in the stalls at the Great American Ball Park. Who was the architect that designed the restroom where one wall is toilets and the opposing wall is sinks? Considering the range of spray from a toilet, the design is both inefficient and gross. Forget capital punishment, the threat of having to spend an entire day in those washrooms would be enough to deter even the most hardened criminals. The UFE Team was not sure if the male fans of Cincinnati are that poor with their washroom habits, or if the crowding, pungent sewer odor and the urine feces drenched floors caused the men to be temporarily hand-washing challenged.

The UFE Team wanted to say something positive, but we will have to save that for St Louis. The counter vendors at concessions are very poorly trained throughout the stadium, using the same pair of gloves to take out the garbage, touch their face, and shake someone’s hand; that is wrong in so many ways. The UFE Team observed this behavior at Mr. Red’s Smokehouse, out in right field, for an entire game. The barbecue may have been excellent, but the UFE Team all agreed that we could not finish the barbecue after watching the staff at Mr. Red’s for 9 innings. There is a hand sink in the barbecue stand that is very lonely indeed. It must not work, because the sink was not used for nine innings! And what is up with the head chef with the tall white hat and food thermometer that makes several visits to all the food stands during the game? It has been said that some Medical Physicians have a god complex, which sometimes make them feel they are too important to wash their hands. Well, you can add head chefs to that list because the UFE Team watched him shake everyone’s hand, put his hand in his pocket, enjoy a beverage and then proceed to touch everything in the food preparation area. That’s when the UFE Team threw away the tasty Mr. Red’s barbecue.

On a cheerier note, the people of Cincinnati are very friendly. I would greet and shake the hand of the female fans any day of the week.

 To view the ratings of the remaining MLB Parks click here.