As the saying goes, the longest month of my life was the nine innings I spent at the O.co Coliseum. The Urine Feces Everywhere (UFE) Team hopes that it makes a better football stadium, because this stadium need some work. Ranked 4th out of 30 teams (with 1st being the worst), it is hard to imagine that there are three stadiums worse than O.co. Even the stadium name sounds dirty! One of only three teams that have urinal troughs in the men’s restroom, O.co deserves its poor stadium ranking. While we visited the park, one of the UFE Team Members thought they heard that the Smithsonian called – they wanted to make sure that they’re first in line to receive the trough relics. How have the health departments of these three great cities (Oakland, Chicago Cubs, and L.A. Dodgers) allowed this antiquated restroom fixture to continue to exist?
Paruresis, or shy bladder as it is known, occurs when someone has trouble (usually a male) urinating in public. The UFE Team agreed that any one that had to use the O.co urinal troughs in the male restrooms would have to experience at least a little paruresis. It is no wonder that 56 percent of men at the park fail to wash their hands after using the restroom. The UFE Team feels that many men avoid the troughs and use the stalls for their urinating needs, which explains why the male restrooms are so filthy. Urine all over the restroom stalls, frequently clogged troughs, and dirty sinks are just some of the reasons that Oakland should build a new stadium. The UFE staff has a Benjamin Franklin that we raised just for the cause. We have already thought of a name: how does CO2 sound, Oakland County? At 2%, 98% of the females are washing their hand which means the female fans are quite comfortable in the Ladies room. Oh, the trauma of being a male!
Around the rest of the O.co Stadium the UFE staff observed poor handling of money followed by the touching of food and drink, too few hand sinks, poorly trained staff, dirty condiment areas and too few washroom attendants. It almost seems like Oakland has stopped spending money on improvements at the park because possibly a new stadium is in the works. Maybe that is wishful thinking, but something needs to improve around this park. Thank goodness for the Cubs, Dodgers, and Indians, it’s unbelievable that the athletics did not end up as the whipping boy of the UFE Team.