How to survive “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” germ-free

Ok, we lied; you cannot survive an episode with this family or their habits and remain safe from germs and bacteria.  “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” stars a cast of individuals who are kind-hearted and full of energy (maybe a little “go-go juice” too).  In each episode, we follow the family on their daily adventures, which can include belching, farting, sneezing, etc.

The family is headed by the matriarch “Mama” who greets us (the viewers) to a delightful fart during the opening credits.  Interesting enough is the fact that she either can’t hold it in, or is a loving mother who will share EVERYTHING with her family.

There is a myth that if you hold it in and try not to pass gas, you will explode…nope, we tried it and all it does is cause unusual facial expressions on our testers.  If you think our testers are gross, then you would love the testing done in the magazine “New Scientist” from June of 2001.  In a test to determine whether passing gas can spread germs.  A volunteer was asked to “lower his trousers and break wind very close to a special dish” for growing bacteria.  The next day, there was a large amount of bacteria on the plate and even some skin bacteria at the edge of the plate (gross).

So when “Mama” farts and everyone says “eww Mama”, don’t feel bad for the family because they should book it straight for a passing train and get out of danger.  Was that mean of us to say?  Probably, but this is only the start of our journey.

Now, the UFE (Urine Feces Everywhere) team has never received an invite from this family for a cookout or anything to that nature, so we can not say for sure if they are truly carefree when it comes to bacteria.  We do however know that one of the most serious (we use that term lightly) things we have seen so far would be a lake filled with flesh-eating bacteria.  “Flesh-eating bacteria” is easier to understand than “Necrotizing Fasciitis”, but they mean the same thing.  When watching this, two things took us by surprise; that there was an actual lake which was open to the public which had this bacterium, and that the family really wanted to go swimming.  Thankfully “Mama” had enough common sense to tell her daughters that it wasn’t safe (duh), but how about bobbing for pig’s feet?  First of all…really?  Why doesn’t this family have an Xbox donated to them or something?

If bobbing for pig’s feet doesn’t tickle your fancy, how about a pet pig pooping on your table?  One of the daughters watched in horror as their pet pig relived himself in front of her.  The vast amount of toilet paper in the background couldn’t be enough to halt the spread of bacteria found inside this home and the lack of proper use of it isn’t helping the cause.  Instead of using it like “Mama” wants them to, the daughters think that it would be funny to decorate everything (even their pets) with toilet paper.

After going to some of the baseball stadiums, we thought it couldn’t get much worse, but we were wrong.  After watching an episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”, we believe that there is no way a person can feel clean and confident in being germ-free.